Silence
Silence
is something my child knows nothing about, something that was not part of her
make-up, but silence certainly followed what became a turning point in her
life. Silence was the cold eerie, hollowness that followed her visit to a caged
tiger in Louisiana. The silence that followed us home that evening remained
with us the next day and existed until her resolve was once again restored with
a determination to help her friend Tony. It was the silence of an exuberant
child after the cold hard facts are realized.
The
bond between this child and big cats goes way back, perhaps before birth in
some unforeseen heaven, some place where her heart and soul were joined in the
animal kingdom and a special gift was given to the world. Not that I, her
parent would put her on that type of pedestal, but others have witnessed the
insights and events that follow a vision, dream or thought. She has always
talked and walked with a different perspective on wild cats. Genuinely
concerned with the caging, petting and exploiting of these cats she would rebel
at attempted interactions with them until she was old enough to teach us the
difference and express her views confidently.
That
is what brought us to the whole “Tony Situation” as family and friends refer to
it. After learning about the 10 year old tiger in a cage at a truck stop no
less, Breawna relentlessly proceeded to involve anyone in her quest to visit
Tony and speak to his owner. She was appalled that a big cat would be treated
as a roadside attraction for the amusement of passing tourist just like long
ago places displayed animals. Her father and I were nonetheless surprised when
a planned holiday trip was rebuked in favor of the Tony visit and plans were
started. We had previously learned that she would continue on any quest
regardless of the obstacles and wanted her to be fully informed and to realize
that such a large undertaking as a conversation with Michael may not happen and
if it did may not end well on her part.
The
trip did require research and Breawna spent days on the computer, all the time
not believing that any of the situations could be as bad or true as exposed.
Many of her statements reflected that someone could not be treating a tiger
that badly. Once she told me that she had been dreaming about Tony and was sad
that he could only see out of his chain link prison, she also mentioned on
occasion that he was lonely and tired. She insisted that she would video some
pieces and be his voice. Her friends at Big Cat Rescue would benefit from those
videos once taken. All the points she wanted to cover were written down and she
reviewed them often, even with her teacher at school.
Discovering
the , whole story about Tony and investigating what she could do and how she
could effectively be his voice, did not make a difference in her perspective
and I was faced with a determined child who would just not let it go. After
weeks of begging to go, pressure to let her help, the persistence continued
until a trip was finally planned and a life changing journey began.
Breawna
designed a “Free Tony” t-shirt with the help of some school friends and
commissioned an airbrush artist to make the shirt only one week before the
trip.
We
left home the day after Thanksgiving 2010; Black Friday took on a new meaning
for our family that day. The trip started at 3am with an anticipated arrival to
the truck stop off I-10 in
Gross Tete around 12 noon. It’s important to note that after a balmy 80 degree
day we started westward from Florida in 70 degree temperatures that morning.
Prior
to us leaving and during the trip she voiced over and over the thoughts that
also concerned me…
·
What to do if
they tell you to leave? Can I stay by Tony’s cage?
·
Will they arrest
us for being there talking about how Tony feels?
·
What if they
touch me or hit me or throw something at us?
·
Will they have
cameras around too?
Initially she had wanted to
set up a mock cage to spend the weekend in; to raise awareness of how Tony
felt, but after the research we thought it would be better to do a quick visit.
We traveled with an energized 10 year old that chattered
all the way. Traveling with Breawna involves multiple stops due to some joint
issues she has, so it was slow going and took longer than expected. Halfway
there the temperatures started to drop and rain pounded us. Still we continued,
but a clothes buying stop was necessary once the temperatures reached the 50s.
Armed with new coats and sweatshirts we were on the road again. Breawna
purchased a sweatshirt with butterflies adorning the front to symbolize the
freedom for Tony that she was fighting for. Butterflies also were prevalent on
her Tony t-shirt for the same reason.
Finally we arrive to the area and begin looking for the
exit long anticipated for. The temperature was 39 degrees and a steady rain continued
to be a nuisance. It was 3pm in the afternoon and we realized that we had taken
longer than we wanted and that Breawna was already tired and offered to get a
place to stay the night and return early the next morning. You can only imagine
the conversation the followed as we were reminded that spending money in Louisiana
was not allowed and that a wait overnight to visit Tony just would not do.
The exit we were seeking finally came into view and the
child in the back seat could hardly sit still. Up on her knees she saw for the
first time the cage that Tony calls his home. There was excitement as she sees
Tony for the first time, which was quickly followed by silence. We park by the
west side of his cage to prevent the employees in the snack shop from detecting
us while we were filming. I looked into the backseat to see Breawna silently
crying. Her face a witness to the heartbreak she was experiencing. Her voice
laced with shock as she explains that she needed a few minutes to herself, can
we go check the cage out. Knowing that she will finish what she came to do, we
take the situation in as she gathers her thoughts. 15 or so minutes pass and I
need to know that she is O.K. Dry eyed now she is ready to face the demons she
came to conquer and the visit begins. She wanted to spend some time just
observing him and talked to him in a soothing quite voice, telling him that she
was there to help him. She asked him to stop pacing and come to stand by the
cage because she wanted to start taping.
The rain and cold temperatures took its toll on her ability
to speak consistently. In addition we noticed as did she that a man exited the
snack shop and was standing not far from the cage watching while he smoked a
cigarette. Her constant vigilance on him is evident in several shots. She never
asked to quit and never faltered as I continued to worry that we would be
discovered and asked to leave. Filming at his cage took 30 or more minutes and
involved several takes of the different passages that she prepared. Due to her
concerns and the situation we found ourselves in, we encouraged her to use her
notes regardless of her pleadings that she had it under control. Taping had to
be finished before we were discovered and I was worried about the attention we
were receiving from his employees. We were then surprised by her request to go
see if Michael Sandlin was able to talk to her. She insisted even after we
spoke to her about the risk while getting warm in the car. So we find ourselves
in the snack shop being told that he was not around and would not be that
evening. We noticed a t-shirt with a beautiful tiger and stopped to check it
out. That shirt ended up being the t-shirt designed to make fun of animal
activists. Breawna was absorbing the meaning of the shirt when a truck driver
enlightens her to what it meant. The same man who had watched us film at the
cage continued to watch us in the store. With a disgusted look at him, she
flicks her hair and states that she is ready to go to see the stuffed cat over
the salad bar. With no disrespect
intended, I believe she had just enough of the shirt and the situation and she
was angered that she was denied a chance to speak to Sandlin.
We had learned that a white tiger was displayed over a
salad bar in the restaurant, and in her unbelieving mind she could not imagine
that it was true. Upon entry to the restaurant she saw Selena and noticed how
filthy the place was. She mentioned how disgusting it was and that they even
put fake eyes in her, but she could tell how beautiful she had been. As we are
waiting at the counter by the door because another attempt to talk to Sandlin
was requested she noticed a CD with his picture. As we read that it was
Christian music something snaps in that 10 year old and she can’t fathom how he
could be a Christian and cage a big cat like that. It’s time to leave; she is
done with waiting because no-one has acknowledged us anyway. How do I answer
the questions about how could a person who believes in God keep a big cat as a
pet in a cage.
We continue to walk around to see what Tony has to look at
each day and discover oil and gas on the pavement, she mentioned that she wants
to stand there and hear and smell what it’s like to live here and after a few
minutes wants to go say good-by. That’s when we discover that he is still
pacing and that the cold has settled in. It’s getting dark and the cars are
still lining up despite the cold and rain. Other children are viewing the tiger and my
child stands lonely at the chain link with the fallen look of failure on her
face, she really thought that she would be able to talk to Michael and change
his mind. The day has taken its toll on her body but more on her spirit and she
bids good night and good by to Tony, promising him that she will not stop, will
not give-up till he is free.
We leave around 4:30pm that cold, rainy November day with a
much more mature child, one that fell silent as soon as we hit the highway and
we drive home in silence. Even stopping later to eat we could not encourage her
to share her thoughts. We arrive home early in the morning and carry her to
bed. The following day I expected to be actively questioned and was surprised
at the depressed child I was faced with. She wanted to hide and stayed in bed
all day. She needed time to absorb all the ugliness and face the demons that
haunted her. What haunts me the most about the whole trip was the profound
silence that followed us home that day.
I am pleased when on Sunday she comes back to the world
with more resolve to help not only Tony but all big cats in the same situation.
If only more people could see through the eyes of a child and resolve to change
things because they know no other way but the way they want it to be.
There comes a time as a parent that you must make a choice
to allow your child to discover that bad does exist and to grow from their
experiences. I would not change a thing and have been questioned on why I
allowed her to do what she did. But these people don’t live with a persistent
child that relentlessly pursues what she believes in. I don’t want to limit her
experiences just because they are not convenient and pleasant. Even while
protecting her I have to let her go to help her to grow into what she’ll one
day become. Her experiences with Tony’s freedom have given her confidence in
what she does; can and will make a difference. She sums it all up in a story
she wrote about her experience in that it may not end the way you expect, but
doing something for a good reason is better that doing nothing at all.
Would I do it again? You bet…there is no way to stop this
charging spitfire once she sees injustice toward animals especially big cats,
so I expect our future will be filled with journeys and adventures in helping
these cats she so loves.
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